The Love Machine

There was a businessman in Lagos who was getting ready to go on a long business trip to Johannesburg. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought hed try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didnt much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold intimacy gadgets and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized s e x doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation to the old man.

Well, I dont really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I dont know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except said the old man, and then he stopped.

Except what? asked the businessman.

Nothing, nothing, said the old man.

Cmon, tell me! I need something! protested the businessman.

Well, sir, I dont usually mention this, but there is the voodoo d*ck, the old man said.

So whats up with this voodoo d*ck? the businessman asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking Love Machine.

The businessman laughed, and said, Big f**king deal. It looks like every other Love Machine in this shop!

The old man said, But you havent seen what itll do yet. He pointed to a door and said, Voodoo d*ck, the door.

The voodoo d*ck rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, Voodoo d*ck, get back in your box!

The voodoo d*ck stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

The businessman said, Ill take it!

The old man resisted and said it wasnt for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special Love Machine and that to use it, all she had to do was say, Voodoo d*ck, my Kitty-Cat.

He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After hed been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably hot. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo d*ck.

She got it out, and said Voodoo d*ck, my p**sy!

The voodoo d*ck shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing shed ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided shed had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the Love Machine.

On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much shed had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadnt been drinking, but that a voodoo d*ck was stuck in her v*gina, and wouldnt stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, Yea, right. Voodoo d*ck, my ass!